What doesn't she leave?

3 Sep 2014

Why doesn't she leave? I have had the same questions asked to me by family and friends. Before I met my ex I would have said the same thing but what people don’t realise is that abuse is done by degrees.
Looking back on my experience, it was subtle, a few comments made at the beginning until my confidence was slowly chipped away. Then being blamed for making him angry and being compared to ex girlfriends which made me believe it must be me. Then the physical abuse evolved slowly, and I became ashamed and embarrassed at what was going on. The physical abuse didn’t happen every day although the comments did. Then came the sexual abuse which by then I was so good at pretending everything was good. I was broken by then. A few times I tried to leave which came the promises. A few months went by and he was nothing but nice and kind which made me fall for him again.
He asked me to marry him I said yes thinking he was dealing with his issues and we would start fresh. I felt like he needed me. Once we were married within a month it went back to the abuse. Now I felt trapped as he took control of all the money and I fell pregnant. So isolated from everyone and everything. It took me until he tried to kill me to leave, so no its no its not so black and white. Abusers don’t straight away slap you they manipulate and chip away at you till there is nothing left. When children are involved it is even harder.

Staying Safe

If you need immediate help contact Women's Aid, the police domestic abuse liaison officer or your local social work office.

You can also phone Scotland's domestic abuse and forced marriage helpline on 0800 027 1234

Facts & Figures

On one day in Scotland in 2013, 82 women and 12 children and young people contacted Women's Aid for the first time (SWA 2013)

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